I apologize..it has been awhile....

Hello WORLD!!

It has been awhile since my last post but a lot has happened since my last post.

First of all , I would like to dedicate this blog to my best friend, April Yolanda Brown.
She had passed away in September from the complications of Asthma. She had an
asthma attack and no one had noticed that she could not breath until she was told to go
to the hospital. So, when the doctors was trying to revive her...it was too late. Before she
had passed away, she agreed for me to put her in the book and....I want her legacy to
continue as you read A Long Journey To Home. She was like a sister to me, the nicest
person I was so fortunate to had met while attending college. She had a heart of gold,
love to help and was even more blessed that she was able to welcome my daughter into
this world. For two years, my daughter was able to talk to her and call her "aunt" when
she was alive. April and I have been best friends for ten years, hoping she can live on to tell
my child the crazy moments we had while attending college.
Moral of this tribute: Appreciate those who are REALLY in your corner because before you know
it; the most important person is not here anymore. Death has taken my best friend even though I am still grieving over my best friend....I still have hope.Think about John 5: 28, 29 regarding to the hope of resurrection of our love ones.

Second reason is that I am working as a custodian for a major company which the hours have been
interesting. Eight hours of working then come home to my second job...and being a mom including being
a chauffeur including sleep. I apologize for not sharing anymore of my thoughts but you all will know:
The blog will keep going because it is like a journal for me. I needed to release what was going through my head for weeks or months.

What was really on my mind? The more I would reflect on my past and how I was treated by the main  people who I thought would be there and guide me. At the end, I feel sorry for them including the fact how my own mother despise me because I look like my father (and all that nonsense).I am still a working progress including how I am continuing to pray everyday, hoping they get the help that they truly need one day. But then another topic: Why these desperate mothers would rather risk their child's safety for their selfishness (or loneliness)? I was that child, my own mother had married a long time criminal in prison when i was five (this person was NOT my father) because she was a desperate single mother with a toddler so she thought she would change a criminal from prison. Which ended up hurting the whole family but this creep decides to sexually and physically abuse me from six to ten years of age.

With Jehovah's help and a very concerned teacher's assistant; we was able to put this creep away. It sadden me to hear how these mothers would rather choose the abuser over their own flesh and blood (who DID NOT asked to be brought into this world) and blame their own child for something THIS CREEP had done to them.Question: " How can an innocent child be jealous of a GROWN man?" It just does not make any sense to me. Just like my own mother there just certain people who deserve just that of a title....that's it.
At times, it is best to continue working on yourself and forgive certain people from a distance. To be honest,
I would rather be a single mom than to have this desperate attitude "It's better to have A piece of man than NO man at all." I am comfortable with the life I am living is more peaceful and focusing on my relationship with Jehovah, my daughter, my family and myself. It is better for my child to be safe than to put my selfish tendencies before my child.I always make sure I let my child know how important she is everyday even though her father is not in her life physically.

This is my food for thought to you all.
Anyways, make sure you grab a copy A Long Journey to Home   by Samantha Crystal. It is available NOW on www.xlibris.com/bookstore. It will make you laugh, cry, and make you think. Also, I want my best friend April Brown's legacy to continue on when you grab your copy.It will give you a glimpse into who she was in this book. ENJOY!!

My Thoughts....6/15

      You never know how powerful a tongue is until a person say
something that they cannot take it back. I had done it for years
toward the people who are really there for me. There are moments
I had hurt adults with the words that was coming out of my mouth.
I do know that words hurt but when you say things that are very hurtful
you tend to get use to it. Including "not think before I say something"-
I just say those strong words and not think about that person's feelings after
it was said. For years, it was my way to protect myself from anybody even
when I get frustrated about stuff, I don't state how I truly feel, I just unleash my anger
and not think about it until I calm down.  When you are hurt
for a very long time, it is hard to separate from those who are really there
for you to those who are just around to hurt and see you fail in life (& on
yourself). Sometimes, when you unleash your anger towards the wrong
people; you are actually pushing people away.

Why the pushing away? Because of fear- you do not want to be hurt again by protecting
yourself because people did not protect you from the beginning or Out of anger because
you are still carrying out that anger & humiliation from those who had betrayed your trust?

I do know it is the combination of both. Most people would tell me, "Get over it!"
To those who had experienced that pain & anguish from the past but it is difficult
to work through those issues; my response, "It will take one day at a time- just continue
to work on yourself."  Maybe something is telling me, "Megan, you need to continue to work
on yourself with the help from Jehovah." There still issues I continue to work on every single day-
it has not been easy for me.

I mean ever since my family and I had moved to Indianapolis, I became more angry and overprotective
of my child. I always learn to love your neighbor- Yeah! but not trust anybody with your child. It really stems
from my childhood when my own mother had left my sister & I with anybody and everybody including
her creepy husband. There are still things I need to continue to work on. It is just going to take everything
one day at a time with prayer and the realization on who is actually there in my corner. It takes time to lower
your guard down. Those who had suffered from abuse should understand the lasting effect when it comes
to trusting people including family and those who truly care about as a person.

It will take time-just don't give up on those around you and yourself.
Anyways, until next time....


Regarding to the book- "A Long Journey to Home" by Samantha Crystal:
It is available NOW on Amazon, Barns & Nobles and www.xlibris.com/bookstore.
I am planning a book tour starting the Spring of 2015, To those who had gotten the book
it will be a Q&A session including book signing. There will be some free refreshments,
I will make sure you eat well and enjoy the Q&A session. It will be something to remember.

My thoughts...

It is funny how people who had not been in your situation would try to "sweet talk" or talk for them when they were the culprits behind people being miserable. I had learned that when a person who had hurt you repeatedly (like over & over again) but have no remorse to how the way they had treated you...It is always time to move on and let miserable people be by themselves. It is when you try to extend the olive branch over again but in return people like to back stab you or do NOT respect you as an individual-that is when you really would want to make decisions in your life. As a person who had experienced this repeatedly over & over again by those who I thought was family but it is sad how those people appreciate you as a human being...when you give them the space they TRULY deserve.
Every person wanted to be accepted and love by those who are family. No family should be treating another family member like they are an ATM or destroy their property like it does not matter or to take another family member's spouse/or mate. When they reach that line of "No return" it is time to leave those so call family members ALONE. I had been disrespected over & over again by my own younger sister for example: the way she had disrespected my relationships by making inappropriate advances toward the person whom I had dated like smacking that guy on the butt or rubbing her foot against his foot including destroying my phone cord to my first phone ( which was my gift for graduating out of high school) or (the last straw) when she had attacked me with the knife. Restraining order or not, I knew it was time for me to stay far away from this girl as possible.
It was the same as my aunt; how people would not ask how she is doing if she need any help with the bills or having a car issue. Those "family members" would go to my aunt like she is an ATM. They did not even care about her feelings or what she had to go through on a regular basis but they would use her AND blame her for THEIR screw ups. It can be raining outside and they would still blame her for crazy stuff. So she had enough of their secrets, lies and the mistreatment; it was better to move to the city...far away from their nonsense. But it seems like no matter where ever she goes the lies tend to follow her everywhere all because of this culprit-My Grandfather.Anyways without those "toxic" people in the house. We are living a better life without them. So what ARE you doing to do when you are in a situation where people (whom you consider family) starts to disrespect you and mistreat you as a person?
To let you know: You deserve better-(YEAH, YOU). It is time to rise above the ashes and start living a better, happy and peaceful life with those "toxic people" causing so much distress in your life.You have feelings too! You deserve a different life and it is time to let go of those negative people out of your peaceful life that you have been yearning. Think about it and your life will change...for the better.
Anyways, until next time...

While you meditate on those thoughts, if you want to be encouraged and be inspired "A Long Journey to Home" by Samantha Crystal is available NOW nationwide. Warning: There are a couple of mistakes in the book but overall it is an inspirational book to read. There will be moments in the book where it will make you laugh, cry, and make you think. It is available on Amazon, Barns & Nobles, www.xlibris.com/bookstore and bookstores nationwide. You will love this book, it will make you want to take a stand against Abuse & domestic violence.

My thoughts....

It is ridiculous how these school system is NOT doing any background check on those who are suppose to be teachers.It irritates me so much how these "so -call" teachers are going after students like they are THEIR age. FYI: These are children...CHILDREN! All they need is guidance and education so they can get ready for life and career down the road. Even there are children who has issues with learning like dyslexia; there are teachers who do not know how to work with children with learning disability. There would be times when teachers are not patient with a child who is going through a learning disability or just issues at home. These teachers need to go back to school, themselves who need to learn how to be more patient with a student.
Would you believe that I had dyslexia? Believe it. This same person who is an author and a blogger had dyslexia. I had to deal with teachers would was not patient with me and had the nerve to talk about me like I do not have emotions. Or as stupid people would say in the 90's about kids, "They will bounce back. They will be okay." To this very day, I still remember this teacher had screamed in my face because she was really impatient with me. Honestly, math was never my easy subject. But when you have a teacher yell in your face or humiliate you in front of the class because they never like you; it make you seriously want to tell the school principal to get you another teacher. As the scripture in 2 Tim.3:1-5 states: " In last days, critical times hard to deal with will be here...unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection....."It shows that we are living in a time where people has a lack of affection towards a child, an elderly person and anything that is precious in God's eyes. People are getting hurt everyday including children. And it is getting more and more difficult to trust an actual learning institution for the child without the child is being mistreated or being raped by a low-life "so called" teacher. There would be even times when the teacher would lie on the student (On Purpose) so the kid can get in trouble with the parent.These teachers do not even know if the child is in an abusive home so for a child it is hard to trust an adult figure.
Based on my learning disability, through the school they were able to provide me a tutor. My own mother did not care if I had a tutor because she did not make the effort herself to find me a tutor so I can pass the class. Honestly, you do not need drugs to help a child with dyslexia. Teachers need patience regarding teaching a child. Parents need to do more to get involve in their child's education by sneaking up to the school when the teacher does not expect you to be there. Parents need to do more to see how the teacher is treating their child. As a parent, we left our child with you so you can teach our child the ABC's and 123's.
NOT dating them, NOT disciplining them-that is OUR job to discipline our child NOT YOU. Parents need to do more to get involve in their child's education not drop them off at the school's doorsteps...and that's it. It is more than that. It is time to help our children and continue to stand our ground against teachers who is WAY out of line. Anyways, until next time...
This book "A Long Journey to Home" by Samantha Crystal is and encouraging book that has a combination of poems and stories behind each pieces that will make you laugh, cry, & make you think. The message I am bringing to the people's attention: "There IS life after abuse." It is always possible. This inspired book is
available online through Amazon, Barns & Nobles, xlibris.com/bookstore and 2800 online bookstores nationwide. PICK UP A COPY TODAY!!! ENJOY!

1,2, breathe..

       There is a moment in your life when you have to face your fears so you

can get to that peaceful place in  your life. It may be scary at first because 

you do not want to go back to that traumatic past that had claimed your 

innocence...your childhood. It did not hit until yesterday (for me); it was 

while I was talking to my counselor about the issues I had dealt as a child-

dealing with abuse at home, peers & bullies at school and the struggles of 

my faith. To those who had a normal childhood: You need to understand 

the fact that even though, it has been nineteen years since that person who 

had happened to be my step father(the man whom mother decided to marry 

while he was in prison) was locked up and then had to deal 

with the attack from my own sister in 2008. Survivors and victim (such as 

myself) had to still deal with the flashbacks, the anger, the resentment, and 

trust. It is really hard to trust people after the aftermath is over but will try to 

find love as I had become an adult-some in the right and wrong places.

        Not to mention, the abuse from people who I was looking up to as family but 

then I was desperately looking for love in all the wrong places. Wanted to be 

loved so bad..it was so bad I was looking for that "unavailable" love. Basically,

it is that love that you did not receive from home but also in "so called " relationships.

I thought I was being loved by these guys who had said they love me but they was not

available emotionally and mentally which lead them to use me. I have to say: It really 

hurt so bad when you thought you were with the right person even after you had told 

these people the trials you had experienced while growing up. There were even moments

when I had remember what my own sister had said to me while flaunting in my face how 

many guys had paid any attention to her , "Who will want you? No one want you, you just an 

anti-social."

        The reason for thee blogs was to educate the public and let those who had been victimized

that there is LIFE after abuse. Believe me with my faith in Jehovah God (his name is proven in psalms 83:18-check it out in your bible or look it up), it had lead me to a more

peaceful life without those toxic people- those who had faked their apologies but then retract back 

to their negative attitude. It is better for me to love these people (my mother and sister) from a distance. 

These are the same people that had threw back in my face about the childhood abuse it had inflicted on me 

and was using favoritism-basically oust me out like I was the black sheep of the family. (That is another story in itself) When people tend to think, " Why don't you "get over" it?" FYI: It takes some time you need 

to understand that even though (for me) its nineteen years and I still dealing with the anger and flashbacks

from being mistreated including being misunderstood as a person. That it is why it is so much better for 

victims like myself to start writing, talk to a therapist/counselors and continue to encourage others to SPEAK UP.It takes prayer & faith to continue on living a normal life including having hope for the future that 

all this will be a thing in the past. It just takes faith. 

          Anyways, until next time.... 

A Long Journey to Home Is Available NOW!!!

The reason for this book is to give the voice back to
the voiceless and have people start breaking the "silent code"
or "Whatever happens in this house, stays in this house." I got
really tires to hear people who want to cover up the issue about
child abuse. Something in me had snapped because I was a victim
child abuse including domestic violence, abandonment...you name it
including homelessness. Plus to educate the public on how to treat
those who are victims/survivors of abuse and domestic violence.
       After being attacked by a sibling (who happened to live in Chicago)
in 2008, I REALLY snapped. But it gave me a second chance to live. I
wanted to use my story to share with the world and not the world to feel
sorry for me. BUT to consider my story to be encouraging. It takes faith
to endure what I had endured for a long time. It just irks me so much how
people give their own "ignorant" opinion about a victim that was raped or
molested. People like that I feel sorry for because it just show their actual
"knowledge" to that subject....They HAVE NONE. There have been victims
like myself who had heard some ignorant comments by ignorant people. But
they do not know it causes more anger and trauma to the victims and survivors.
     That is why I want you to pick up the book "A Long Journey to Home" TODAY!
It is available nationwide on amazon, barns and nobles. xlibris.com/bookstore and 2800
online bookstores nationwide. So PICK UP THE BOOK TODAY!!! Spread the WORD!

New book for encouragement available on Monday 28th!

I had just written my first book.
It is called "A Long Journey to Home" by
Samantha Crystal (it is my pen name).
It is an inspiring book which will help
victims and survivors of child abuse to have the
courage to Speak Out! Against cowards
and criminals. This inspiring book has a combination
of poems and stories which describes the meaning
behind each poems.It is time to STOP sweeping this
issue underneath the rug and start placing the blame
on criminals and NOT the victims/survivors.
If you like poems and stories,
you will LOVE this book.
It will be available on
Monday, April 28th on Xlibris.com/bookstore.
The book will be available on ebook in
the next three weeks.
You will Enjoy this book.